I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need to sanitize my soul.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize