i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
FUCK WHALES
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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