I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
