i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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