Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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