party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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