if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
