roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
