i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
