Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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