I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
