This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
