I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up under a house in Key West
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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