Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think I just sharted jello shots
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