I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
