You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
