he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
