i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
did i just pee glitter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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