just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
