I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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