I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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