Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
