How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
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I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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