ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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