I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
