I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
