is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
