My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You need a sexual gate keeper
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
