its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
