This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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