You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
