im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
