I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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