After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
