Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
