Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
