meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
