we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
where are my eyebrows?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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