i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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