so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This toilet bowl is my home.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
