yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
