Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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