No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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