he was CRYING into my vagina
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
