Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
