I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We named our party play list daddy issues
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
