I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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