You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
