Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
