not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
