dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize