oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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