We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
