No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
