if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
