You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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