Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it hurts more in the daytime
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
