i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
third nipple confirmed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
