When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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