you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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