i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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