from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
