Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
