I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
