That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
