Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
