Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
