so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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