just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
