his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
