theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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