Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
