I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
