I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
