1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
