alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
