The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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