i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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